


Aliens Made Them Talk About It

by NiceHatGeorgia



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 08, fluffy fluff, just for fun, response to a prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 08:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12649983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiceHatGeorgia/pseuds/NiceHatGeorgia
Summary: Response to a prompt on tumblr from otpdisaster: "Person A gifting Person B a magical object that will teleport them to any location of their heart’s desire. Neither of them can stop blushing as Person B keeps teleporting “unintentionally” to Person A’s side."





	Aliens Made Them Talk About It

**Author's Note:**

> Super fluffy and just for fun. I needed a break from the big fic I'm working on that's starting to stress me out! It's nothing very original but I hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> And yeah, the title is a nod to “aliens made them DO it,” one of the greatest tropes ever in the world.

“It’s not my fault that bunting bores you,” Daniel tells an overly animated General Jack O’Neill, who’s just popped into his office looking for something to do, or more likely, someone to bug.

 

Daniel is in the middle of cataloguing items SG-18 brought back from the temple they discovered on P5Y-229. The people who lived there centuries ago were, simply put, some kind of space-pirate race that battled and scavenged from weaker races they could access through their Stargate. The temple SG-18 had found at the center of their decimated city - apparently one of the other races they’d come across hadn’t been as weak as they’d bargained - contained an impressive amount of loot from across the galaxy. This loot, which Jack takes great delight in referring to as “booty," is now spread across Daniel’s office and one of the spare conference rooms. It’s Daniel’s job to determine what should be A) investigated as a potential asset in the fight against Anubis,  B) shipped off to Area 51 to be further studied by the scientists there, or C) put in long-term storage. 

  
“I’m not bored,” Jack says. “And I never said it was your fault." 

  
Daniel spares him a glance as he picks up the next artifact in the queue and says, “Then why am I the one who has to suffer?" 

  
Jack chooses to ignore that remark. “I’m not bored,” he insists. “I am so far beyond bored I can’t even think of the right word.” 

  
“Which is why you came to see me, naturally,” Daniel rolls his eyes and turns the artifact over in his hands. 

    
“Yes!” Jack says, lighting up. “Tell me, oh linguist, how exactly one might express ‘bored out of my mind’ in ancient Goa’uld." 

  
Daniel scrutinizes the object in his hand. It’s small, about the size of a fist, sort of round, almost segmented, and it’s covered in markings that must be writing but he can’t quite place it. “Actually, I’m thinking cuneiform, but it’s a little off,” he muses, ignoring Jack. 

  
“Cuneiform then,” Jack allows. “Did they have bunting in ancient Babylon?” He realizes a split second too late that, with his would-be sarcastic comment, he’s given away too much. Damn, this general gig is really making him soft. 

  
Daniel doesn’t miss it either. He looks up sharply as his face breaks into a wide smile. “I always knew you were paying more attention than you let on,” He looks genuinely surprised and pleased. 

  
Jack is not pleased. He’s annoyed, as much at himself as at Daniel. It’s time to change tactics. “Let me see that thing,” he grouses, reaching across the table and snatching the artifact out of Daniel’s hands, as if remembering that ancient Babylonians wrote in cuneiform means that he’ll be able to notice something Daniel missed. 

  
“Don’t touch -“ Daniel starts to say, but all of a sudden, Daniel isn’t there anymore. Instead, Jack finds himself looking into the surprised but nevertheless breathtaking eyes of one Colonel Carter. He looks around and confirms that, yep, somehow, he’s in her lab. 

  
“General,” she says, standing up from her stool. He’s told her to cut it out with the standing when he enters a room, but he gets that for her, not standing is harder than standing, and he did kind of catch her off guard. 

  
“Carter,” he says casually. “Glad I caught you. I’ve been wanting to ask you about the -" 

  
But he’s cut off, mercifully, by Daniel, who comes bursting through the door. He must’ve really booked it from his office to make it here so quickly, assuming he didn’t come by the same route Jack did. 

  
“Hey, Sam,” Daniel says, walking right past her to Jack, and snatching the artifact out of his hand. 

  
Jack pouts. “How’d you know I’d be here?” he asks. 

  
Daniel smirks. “Lucky guess.” 

  
Jack chances a glance back over to Carter, who seems remarkably nonplussed by what has just transpired. Honestly, after all they've seen, this is pretty benign, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. It’s way more interesting than bunting. But if anything, she looks kind of annoyed. 

  
“Like I was saying, it’s not exactly cuneiform but it’s close enough that I can make some guesses as to what it says. Of course, the fact that you activated it when I didn’t, and no one on SG-18 did either, is another piece of the puzzle." 

  
“Must be Ancient,” Carter says in a sing-song voice, turning back to her work bench, like she couldn’t be less interested. 

  
“Exactly,” says Daniel. “What’s curious is that there’s nothing else here to indicate that this device is of Ancient design or technology. It might represent a whole new subcategory of Ancient devices and shine a light on other mysterious objects we’ve catalogued that we’ve thus far been unable to classify." 

  
“Wait a minute,” Jack says. “They Ancients created a device to transport themselves to Carter’s lab?" 

  
“I doubt that was its specific purpose, Jack,” Daniel says pedantically. “You know - don’t touch it - individual transportation devices existed for a wide variety of reasons. The earliest one we have on record at the SGC is from way before Babylon…” Jack tunes him out as Daniel launches into a lecture. He turns his attention back to his favorite Colonel, who is more interesting than both bunting and Daniel combined, not that those two things are setting the bar very high at the moment. 

  
Carter turns around, like she can feel his eyes on her. She definitely looks annoyed. Maybe she was, like, actually working on something important and they’re interrupting? Why doesn't she care more that he miraculously transported to her lab? 

  
“I’m going to go get some lunch,” she says. “See you guys." 

  
And with that, she’s gone, leaving Jack and Daniel alone in her lab. 

    
“Ok,” Daniel says. “I guess she doesn’t want company." 

  
“You’re the one who came barging in here,” Jack points out. 

  
“Only because you willed yourself to be transported here,” Daniel retorts. 

  
“I did not!" 

  
“Well, not intentionally maybe. As I was saying, if you take into consideration the shape of the object as well as the orientation of some of text I’ve been able to decipher, see this word here? - don’t touch it - it can mean either a sought-after outcome in a situation involving two parties, like in a competition or trade negotiation or something, but it can also - I said don’t touch it - mean the act of wanting that outcome, specifically, desire." 

  
Jack frowns at the object. “But why does it say it twice?” He points at the repeated word, and, without thinking, touches it. 

  
And there he is in the commissary, sitting in a chair right next to Colonel Carter, who scowls into her blue jello. “Sir,” she says, more to her jello than to him. 

  
Teal’c is also at the table, Jack notices now. It’s not at all surprising to find him here, given how much the man eats, and given that it’s lunchtime. “General O’Neill,” he says, tipping his head. 

    
“Oh, come on,” Jack says. “Can someone please look impressed or at least surprised that I can transport from room to room?" 

  
“It is most impressive, O’Neill,” Teal’c assures him, a small smirk playing at his lips. 

  
For the second time that day, Daniel comes bursting through the door. 

  
“Hey guys.” He flops down at the table, out of breath from his run. 

  
“Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c greets him as he’d greeted Jack, as if they’d made equally impressive entrances. Jack scoffs. 

  
“Anyway, Jack, as I was saying,” Daniel reaches across the table and grabs the device back from Jack, “this word can be interpreted to mean ‘desire.’ So I think what this device does is transport you to the thing you desire." 

  
Next to him, Carter starts to turn red. “Are you sure about that?” she asks in a small voice, looking only at Daniel. 

    
“Well, no, not really.” He shrugs, seemingly unaware of what he just implied. “It’s not helping that Jack keeps making off with it, though I guess maybe it  _is_  helpful to see the device in action. What I really can’t figure out is what the Ancients would want with such a device." 

  
Jack thinks it’s obvious what the Ancients, or anyone, would want with a device that does what Daniel thinks it does. It’s true that the of all races, the Ancients didn’t really spend much time using advanced technology for something as prosaic as  _fun_ , but still. Imagine desiring cake, and suddenly materializing in a bakery. Or imagine desiring a vacation, and suddenly materializing at a beach. Or imagine desiring - 

    
He peeks sideways at Carter, who’s looking more and more uncomfortable by the second. 

  
“This device is one of the items recovered from P5Y-229?” Teal’c asks. 

  
“Yeah."   


“Nothing else found there was believed to be Ancient in origin,” Teal’c says. 

  
Daniel shrugs. “Maybe our space pirates just got really lucky when they stumbled across this one,” he suggests. Jack snickers at the idea of someone getting lucky with this device. Carter stands up abruptly. 

  
“I’m going to finish this in my lab,” she announces. 

    
Jack feels kind of bad for making her uncomfortable, though honestly, this whole thing is Daniel’s fault. He should never have let Jack touch the artifact. He stands up and waves her back down. “Sit down, Carter,” he says. “I was just heading back to my office anyway. He walks out of the commissary, leaving his former teammates and Daniel's incriminating new toy behind. 

  
“Do you believe this device could be instrumental in our fight against Anubis and his forces?” Teal’c asks Daniel, as if nothing awkward or unusual at all has just happened. 

  
“It’s hard to say," Daniel replies. “Honestly, probably not, but if it’s Ancient, there must be more to it that we’re missing. See this word here? It’s distorted, and it’s written twice, and the distortions are mirror images of each other. It’s highly unusual to -" 

  
“Daniel,” Sam cuts in. “Could we please just take a break from this thing?” She picks up the device, thinks for a moment about throwing it across the room, and then notices that she’s no longer in the commissary at all but sitting across a large desk from a very smug-looking General O’Neill. 

  
“Well, well, well,” he says. 

    
When Daniel bursts through a door for the third time that day, the occupants of the room in question don’t even notice him at first, they’re too busy shouting at each other. 

    
“At least I’m  _trying_ , sir!” a red-faced Sam shouts. 

  
“Trying what?!” a pissed-off Jack shouts back. 

  
“Trying to have a  _life,_  that’s what!” 

    
“Oh, is that what you call this thing you’re doing with the rent-a-cop? Having a  _life?"_  

  
“Pete?” Daniel says, and two sets of eyes snap to his, suddenly realizing that they have an audience. “He’s not a rent-a-cop, Jack, he’s a detective. And Sam broke up with him weeks ago. Sam, you didn’t tell him?" 

  
Jack’s jaw drops and Sam flushes an even deeper shade of red. 

  
“Excuse me?” Jack says. 

  
“Daniel…” Sam hisses. 

  
“Anyway,” Daniel spies the device on the desk and grabs it nonchalantly. “It’s not Ancient after all." 

  
“Ya think?” 

  
“It’s actually much simpler than that. Remember how I said this word could represent a hoped-for outcome in an agreement between two parties?” He’s not sure which one of them he told that to actually, “And at the same time it represents the desiring itself?” He’s getting nothing but intense stares from his friends, but at least they’re paying attention, even if they both look like they sort of want to kill him. “Looking at the distortion of the text, and the way it’s aligned, like they’re mirror images of each other… I think there’s a third meaning that encompasses and surpasses the first two. It think it means a shared desire between two parties, an alignment of wills. I think it means -" 

  
“What?” Jack barks. 

  
“We both want it,” Sam says in a whisper. 

  
The two freeze and look at each other, and then quickly turn away to face Daniel again. Their eyes are wide. “That’s why it didn’t work for me, or for anyone on SG-18,” he says. "The focus of your desire has to be a person, and the person has share that same desire in the same specific way in order for the device to work. There are probably some proximity requirements but without further testing it would be impossible to determine the exact parameters." 

  
Sam and Jack are both agape. 

  
“It’s fascinating, really,” Daniel continues. “That’s why I couldn’t quite recognize it at first. It’s not often that you see such a clear example of how the shape and alignment of a word in relation to the words around it can change the word’s meaning. You know, there was an early 20th century French poet by the name of -" 

  
“Daniel.” Jack’s voice is deep and quiet but firm. Some might even interpret it as terrifying. Not Daniel though. 

“Oh.” Daniel looks up at his friends. “I’m just going to head back to my office now, I guess.” He smiles and steps backwards slowly out the door, turning as he crosses the threshold. But then he pauses, and turns back. He tosses the device up and down in his hand. “You know,” he says,  “I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to help us beat Anubis. And I’m starting to think that, whatever the people at Area 51 were going to do with this, you guys could probably put it to much better use.” He tosses the device to a speechless Jack O’Neill and walks out of the office, closing the door behind him. 

**Author's Note:**

> You know, looking back, I wish I would’ve had SG-1 retrieve or at least discover the artifact so this would better fit the prompt of Sam “gifting” Jack with it. Let’s just pretend I did that. ;)


End file.
